Once upon a time, there lived a factory worker called Harold Wood. He'd been doing pretty well until Ford fired him. So, after he'd got fired from Ford, he started looking around for another job. Perhaps I could be a groundsman or parkkeeper, he thought.
"That's a cracking idea - parkkeeper!" said his wife, Mary. "Land yourself a nice little job like that."
"I'll apply immediately," he replied. "To the park, or perhaps the estate. Some fresh air will do me good. May estate groundsman work bring me joy for the next few years."
The new job had an effect on him that no tonic had. Well, he athletically sprinted into the estate on his first day. The estate manager was from a very old family, descended from no less than twenty-seven kings.
"We're having a club meeting today," he said. "Make sure you collect the club rent - Woody Freeman is particularly sneaky like that."
"He is a disgrace to the name Wood," said Harold.
After all the running, Harold's face was rather ashen. Fielders on the nearby cricket pitch commented on how ill he looked. But all in all, his new job was a success, he thought, while escorting out the last of the guests. He took a shortcut home through the forest, gatekeeper that now he was.
"I'm lucky to have this job," he said to himself. "I might have ended up having to deliver pools." Treetops glistened in the sunshine around him, and he finally reached home, where his wife, who had been doing a bit of domestic extermination, had just caught the last rat for days.
"How was your day?" she asked him.
"It's been great!" he said. "I really enjoyed the outdoor work, and unlike at the factory, I've really felt like we've started to cover ground. Next thing you know, they'll be giving me a pay rise!"
Originated by The Orange One (June 2015)
Authors: The Orange One, DrainBrain, GuyBarry, greatkingrat
Minor edits: GuyBarry